Frustrations mount from last nights fight with my husband. Only I do something for myself because I know how self-care helps when I am struggling.
Here I am soaking in the tub with epsom salts, and lavender essential oil with warm glowing candles, relaxing music and the door locked. I finally have a chance to reflect on myself and my relationship.
Last night I slept in my son’s bed because of how infuriated I was with my husband. I knew I needed space and instead of escalating things I chose to take a break.
Yet here in the tub as I journal I find myself scanning my mind trying to remember what the fight was about. And the more I search the further I am from the reasons of what started this explosion in the first place.
How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow
After reading Elizabeth Lessers book How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grown I have really resonated with the premis of this book.
Our relationships don’t strengthen by constantly getting along and living “happily ever after”. Because if you’ve been in a long-term relationship you will know that there is no such thing, that fairytales have led us astray.
A question keeps flashing through my mind, what is my soul‘s purpose?
In each moment what is the deeper purpose, other than what appears on the surface? I know that a lot of the arguments with my husband come from past lives. Because there’s a deep resonant feeling I get that no words can describe. I know that we are in this life together to heal some of our past.
Difficult Times with My Irritating Husband
My husband and I have been irritating each other lately. Or maybe I have been irritating myself. Because I truly believe that people are a mirror of our own selves. Why do I have to be so annoying?
The older I get I have no tolerance for anger explosions and hearing that he doesn’t like my opinion and according to him I think I’m always right. Yes I do have an ego and yes sometimes it gets inflamed especially in moments with my husband.
Like most of the population there are many moments where I feel like I am right even in the times when I am wrong. But why would I admit that to him? Humm… There is always work to be done.
I Can’t Always Take My Shit Out On Him
I realize that the closer we are to someone we love the easier it is for us to unleash the ugliest parts of our Selfs on them.
Why do we do this you may ask? Because we’re comfortable and love can lead us in many directions. So we have learned to unleash all of our shit on our partner.
And moments the unleashing of everything that is exactly what needs to be done. Because healing the old wounds doesn’t come from nothing.
Grow From Our Difficult Times
The only way to grow from our difficult times is to allow ourselves permission to go through what we are experiencing. This means not numbing out on whatever it may be. Many of us numb with our smart phones, Netflix, Amazon, shopping, alcohol, drugs, smoking or whatever it maybe. It’s time to feel to grow from our difficult times.
Only my deep seeded programming tells me to run and hide and go into a state of ignoring. And so we will for days until one of us finally exhales and we both can let go of our need to be right.
Why does it matter anyways? Why do we need to be right for someone else to be wrong? This isn’t helping anything it’s only hurting.
Allow Challenges to Be a Teacher Towards Growth
I have found after all of these years that it is these giant irruption‘s of anger and frustration and overwhelm of life that my husband and I grow stronger together.
Because these difficult times are here as our lesson and if and only when we’re ready we can learn a new way. Or we can embrace exactly what is.
I send you my love.
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