A few months ago I woke up and I realized my littles are big and a deep sadness washed over me. I ask myself have I been a present parent? Am I doing a good job raising my kids? Am I doing enough?
Being me I question everything, and sit with the response.
Blink Your Children are Big Now
I know I have wanted this day for many years, but there’s also this part of me that grieves for how quickly my children are growing up. Back in the day when I had a four, and two-year-old and an infant I would cry with overwhelm most days. But now those days are gone and my littles are bigs and the overwhelm has transmuted in different ways.
We’ve all heard it a million times, blink and your children are grown up, I have repelled this saying. No that’s not true.
Only here in this moment, it sinks deeper and deeper into my heart because my children are big and I have a tween. A freaking tween people! She is filled with sass and I don’t know what to do. So I freak out and she freaks out and then we have to come down from our engorged egos.
Present Parenting and Forgiveness
The emotions and mood swings and tempers and backtalking are at an all-time high. I find myself fearing being like my birth mother. Which is something I have vowed never to do. Only I am human and I make mistakes. And I even fall prey to the mother wounds.
Forgivness is something I have worked on for the last seven years and it has great challenges.
Yet I have found this healing and powerful connecting piece to of being a present parent when it comes to forgivness. After a huge blowout where everyone’s egos are inflamed, I know myself after all these yesrs and I have to take space and calm down first.
So after all parties have settled down I renter the situation from a grounded perspective and I re-approach whatever was happening as a noticer and I always say do you forgive me? And give some space and then say I forgive you. It helps most of the time.
Being A Present Parent is Showing Your Humanness
Showing our children that we make mistakes is essential to being a present parent. Being different from our parents means we have to change the way we respond to our kids. Doing things differently from our parents, so we are not constanly blamming, shamming or guilting.
And if we find ourselves stuck in these negative cycles, take a moment pause, breathe and choose again. Here is an opportunity to practice forgiveness.
We are all people after all and making mistakes is a part of the journey. Showing our children we make mistakes helps them let go of the unrealistic expectations of perfectionism. By showing and telling is being a present parent.
Remember the Little Things
Melt into the small moments, when your children couldn’t pronounce certain words. Perhaps we tried so hard to get them to say the correct syllables. Looking back those little things, those sweet innocent moment were perfectly imperfect in those moments.
You Are Not A Bad Parent
It is hard raising children and you are not alone in feeling like a bad parent. We all get angry and scream at our children AND SAY AND DO THINGS WE WISHED WE HADNT. The difference is between us and our parents as we can notice it. And we can always choose again.
5 Ways to Be a Present Parent
One- Show Up
One take a deep breath, and allow yourself to show up in this moment. No matter how difficult it is or how seemingly small, most of the time we push away the small moments and we’re trying to fast forward into the future. It’s time to be a present parent by showing up.
To see your children, hear them, ask them how they are. Not just the standard how was your day, really ask them how are you doing how are you feeling? And do something that perhaps you haven’t done for a long time or forever just listen without trying to make it better
Three- Give Love
Three hug your children, kiss them, show your children affection no matter how big they are getting it’s so important to show affection through hugging and kissing and by saying I love you.
Learning how to accept and recieve forgivness will lead you in to present paretning. I know this can be the hardest steps. Its time to do things differently than your parents and practice forgivness when things are hard.
Five- You Are Not Your Parents
The differences between us and our parents is we can notice when we mess up and do something about it.
I will repeat you are NOT your MOTHER or FATHER you are you, and this is the truth. Let go of the old hurts and together let us move into parenting with a fresh perspective. It’s time to be a present parent here and now.
Article by Shelly Bond
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Photo by Sunbae Legacy on Pexels.com